Journey of My Hair Back from Violence - My Part Two

Since having my hair ripped from my scalp by a violent family member, I have been doing everything I can to heal my scalp as best I can.  Only a miracle will restore the damage, but I go by faith and not by sight.  One side of my head has been restored but the remainder still needs loving care.

I made a decision last year to shave my hair on the sides again so that I may better touch my scalp to apply the natural herbs and oils.  This has worked on my left side very well and that hair is now chin length.  I actually had to shave the left side twice.  My scalp actually was still tender so as it grew back my scalp would be so sore just by the weight of the hair.  Today the scalp has healed and I don't see any visible signs of scarring.  The hair from the follicle with the worst pulling out has now thickened.  Sadly my right side has more work to do, but I will continue to do what I did to my right side as I did on my left.

5 Steps to Follow

Let me recap a few tips I have learned when you have your hair ripped out.  Step one cut all the hair around it very short immediately and apply an antibiotic to help heal the wounds as well as an antifungal especially if someone ripped your hair out (their fingernails may contain a serious fungus and will contain bacteria).  Step two, begin using only natural products to take care of the scalp like aloe vera gel and flaxseed gel.  Step three, wash your hair often.  Actually, wash your hair more often than you usually do.  For instance, if you wash your hair once a month, now wash your hair every three days and do reapply the antibiotics, antifungal, and natural hair products daily.  The act of cutting the hair makes this process easier.  Step four avoid touching the area too much.  Step five once your outward wound has healed then begin doing scalp massages.  Shaving your hair in that area will help as well because it still may be tender once the hair has grown back in because there is still damage to the dermis unseen.  Massaging your scalp with proper technique and oil will stimulate the deeper healing needed.

Incidentally, what I learned about healing my scalp after violence has transformed my skin on my face too.  Over time I will share more things I have learned too, but for now, those five steps are the most important.  I also give credit to quite a few ladies I have followed on YouTube and Blogs and in due time I will mention those ladies.  I do NOT wish this journey on anyone, but if I can help women and children who are victims of violence then I think this journey is not for naught.



Peace Ladies!

MY Hair Tragedy

Since October, I have been dealing with a traumatic episode with my hair not of my own making.  Before that fatal day, I had been debating as to, "Whether I  want to display my hair on my new blog?", as I have been building it.  I struggled with the fact of my displaying my hair would breach my privacy.  I know that writing my hair story on a blog shares private facts about myself, but I was not quite up to displaying it with visual aids!  I ...  now,  have decided that I will show my hair soon, especially because what I am going through may help other women.  It is a subject that I have been familiar with and that I witnessed women in my life go through, but that I myself didn't allow myself to make it a thing at the forefront of my mind.  It is a subject that I have been a victim too over and over again, but now it has affected my hair too.  My hair had been the tool I used to break the bondage of my familial tyranny over my life and now,  the one who abused me the most, ripped good portions of my hair out.  So, I am now writing this blog for you, for the women who need to gain strength in getting out and away from bondage of all kinds!  I share my story to help others to get out of situations they may be in denial, or unaware through naivete and/or manipulation like myself.

Shalom!

A Short on Dealing with Breakage

My natural journey spans a fifteen year process with the later half of thirteen years being fully natural.  I have done just about everything you can imagine to my hair and for the most part it has withstood the tests.  And yes, in this more than a decade of returning to natural hair I have experienced breakage.

One thing my hair just could not take was a "temporary" blow dry straightener (that is a later discussion) bleach, color, and heat in combination.  Over time my low porosity, dense, and thick hair simply broke under the weight of it.  I had good habits with the exception of blow drying my hair every wash, but still my hair broke off.  So my journey to health natural hair began in 2011.  I am now four years into my natural hair journey and I am enjoying it.  

I had to take an inventory along these four years of what habits caused the ripe conditions for my long hair to break off.  First, I cut all of the obvious breakage off, simple!  My hair was bra strap length at the time, so I cut off about four inches.  Next, I dealt with the rest of the damage.  I nursed my hair with deep conditioners and protective styles.  I also went through some weird phases like completely shaving a four inch section on the right front side of my hair two years ago.  The rest of the time was rather uneventful.  Three years later (2014), I decided to go on a journey to long hair.

Once again in my four year mark I am dealing with damage again.  My damage this time came from choosing to use the wrong kind of synthetic hair for my twists.  However, this time is different.  I went through the trauma of damaging perfectly long hair after several years of being natural!  Now I know to pace myself and their is no need for me to chop off large sections of my hair.  The short of it is that I just need patience and this too shall pass.  I still will reach my length goals!

Peace ladies!

Awkward Stage "Part Deux"

Ode to the Awkward

Oh how I love my hair
Oh how I love thee
Oh how I do not know what to do with you
I love you, but I don't love you
I love the curls, the wave, the full pattern,
But I just can't bun it
I can't top knot it
I can't, I can't I can't
Can I chop it?



Here I am again at the Awkward Stage again and this second time around again I am not enjoying it.  I had forgotten what it was like, but luckily I have been there and luckily I still have long hair in the back.  I believe that this stage requires more self love and patience because it requires more attention then the former and latter stage.  This stage in essence is your pre-teen (tween) years.

One, nurture yourself during this stage.  In Middle School, I nurtured myself unwittingly and I came out with flying colors in High School.  I stayed away from the bad crowd and I focused on my studies, thus ignoring all the family strife at home and just simply read books.  By the time, my teenage years rolled around well I was set.  I excelled in High School.  Treat your mid-length hair the same way.

Two, love thy hair no matter the stage.  Like those darn Middle School pictures your mother will love so much and show everyone to your crushing defeat, so too will appear your mid-length hair pics.  Love it.  It is your hair!

Three, pick up good habits.  If you pick up good habits at this stage, then long hair will be a breeze for you and well that awkward stage will not be around so long!

Peace ladies!

Awkward Stage

Hello Ladies,

This topic has been on my mind for quite some time... the dreaded "Awkward Stage" aka medium length hair stage.  All of you long hair naturals know what I am talking about.  Short hair naturals be prepared to embark on this stage.  Ladies in this stage, well I feel your pain!  You can get through it.  Just hold on and you will be out of it in no time!  Do not make the awkward stage your make or break stage in your journey to long natural hair!

I believe this stage is when a lot of naturals choose to either remain natural or go back to the perm (yes I said perm and not relaxer).  Why?  Well change can be hard and you already did the difficult thing of becoming natural and the short hair was a breeze.  You also overcame the feelings of not feeling feminine enough with short hair (of course not everyone feels this).  You may have also started to feel comfortable with seeing your real hair curl pattern and density.  Now this?

Your hair is too short to do the styles you see on blogs, TV, or even YouTube, but it also is too short to just get up and go.  So, your mind may wander back to the hair you were accustomed to, relaxed hair.  It is not that relaxed hair was any easier, but you were used to it!   You may reminisce about the first time your mother let you style your hair all by yourself.  It was so easy and liberating.  Of course, your mother still took care of the heavy lifting with relaxing your hair herself or you went to the beautician, but after that you were responsible for styling your hair.  As for me, the first time I was tasked with relaxing my own hair came when I went to college and I rarely did that.

Rarely perming my hair and not having my mother around just made the decision not to perm ever again so much easier.  The mid-length stage in the beginning of your journey, however, brings you back to the throws of your being an eight year old girl tasked with taking care of all of her hair needs, except you had to complete all of it.  However, now you don't perm anymore and you don't have your mother or beautician there to help you!  Maybe you do have a beautician to help you, but you still have to style your hair yourself.  Oh the discomfort, the discomfort.

I am here to tell you that you can make it and be content during this stage.  So ladies, here is what I did.  I protective styled.  I luckily had the natural hair community, which included my close friends to help me.  They kept me in check when I wore those protective styles too much or too long.  I also had my sibling and guy friends who would compliment me to death and ask to see my hair.  They all loved me through it and well it made that awkward stage much easier to fly by.  Right now I am back in the awkward stage again.  I big chopped my hair again (third time) in December 2013, however I only big chopped the front part of my head.  I also had to wean myself from being scissor happy (another discussion for another time), so I am back to the mid-length again.  This time it is easier and I know for sure this too shall pass.  I want to enjoy this mid-length hair--my naturally God given hair.

So You Wanna Go Natural?

I say to the women thinking of going back to natural, "Take a minute to think about what it means to return to natural, then forget about it and just do it!" the more you take the time to think about how to go natural, or how everyone will receive it, then the more you will not take that needed leap.  My natural hair story, that I will go into detail later posts, took me three years to realize because I did those exact things.  It was not until an unfortunate accident that I got the courage to just chop off all of my permed hair.  Once those permed tresses left, I felt liberated.  I delved head on into the beginning of my natural hair journey.  In my opinion, there are three steps one must take in order to begin the process.  Don't get it twisted (yes a pun); however, doing the big chop only begins the journey.   Also, I assure you missteps will occur that, but those missteps help you learn and don't worry because a natural hair community exists to guide you in loving the hair God gave you!

Do you remember when your mother first let you style your own hair?  Also, do you remember when the responsibility of taking care of your hair became yours?  Well, think of going back to natural as the rebirth of those childhood moments.  You have to re-learn how to care for your hair.  It took time back then, so why not give yourself a break and be patient enough to learn again.  Think of going of natural as the beginning of a sweet love affair.  It is exciting, a little scary, and a huge deal in the beginning because it is a first time, but in no time you will be a master of your own God given hair.

Certainly, there are questions you have that I wish I pondered when I first went natural because they haunted me later on in my journey (I will surely share more as we progress in our dialogue).  There are so many things to ponder like what can I do with my hair since it is not straight anymore, how will my friends and family respond, how will this affect me in the workplace, what is my hair type, texture, and density and more.  However, I say to you only concentrate on Identity.

How do you perceive yourself and why?  Do you love yourself, I mean really love yourself?  Too heavy for you, then let me explain.  I went natural in college, but I was still suffering from the I gotta ask my mother for permission syndrome before I go changing my hair.  This prevented me from going back to natural earlier.  Consider this, I had just left from under my parents wing at 17 years old, so I had barely been independent.  I had just began my the formation of my adulthood identity, me.  So, consider where you are in your life and give yourself a break in the deeper questions because you will learn the answer in time.  Sometimes you have to just go in at once knowing you are well able to handle it (I am picking up inspiration from Caleb from the Bible)!

Peace ladies!

No More Scalp Burns!: Scratch That Itch

Let me tell ya, I hated getting perms!  Yes, I did like my hair after the process and before the rolling, but I never liked the process, especially the endless scalp burns.  Getting scalp burns once a month because I could not keep my little hands out of my scalp was one of my primary motivations for going natural.  Granted at the time I did not really tap into the already starting second natural hair movement (circa 1994) I longed to stop that horrible process.

I became natural after the alleged .COM bust.  That is right, I am a Millennial.  Lauryn Hill broke it in something new for us dark skin sistas and Indie Arie was rocking it with Neo-Soul.  We were definitely our mother's daughters or grandma's grandbabies (most of us in the latter category).  Many of the products and the blogs/chat rooms have grown since then.  It was our foundation and I respect it and pay homage to it.

My how we forget the things that led us to "Knowing Thyself".  I now don't have to worry about not scratching my head or employing that method my auntie used to do, "smack, smack, smack" her head to get relief from the oh so natural thing of the tickling on the scalp.  Yes it is a movement and now a lifestyle--Natural Life.

Peace ladies!

I Have an Obsession with Straight Lines

I have an obsession with straight lines.  This obsession made it hard for me to commit to the challenge of finger detangling only for 2 years to obtain my hair length goals.  I don't know if it has to do with the African woman in me that wants the lines for my braids, twists, cornrows, or whatever requires a part to be straight, but I don't like seeing those stray hairs.  So I occasionally give in to my obsession and just part my hair with a comb.

The benefits of finger detangling are numerous, but it takes a while to get the technique down pat for your hair.  The curl patterns on my head are numerous.  I had to strategize on how to make each pattern work for my fingers.  My coily hair works with the rake.  My wavy curly hair has to do a mix and requires a lot of patients.  My straight-ish hair requires me to begin at the ends and NO short cuts.

Have you been finger detangling?  If so, what technique do you use?  If not, then do you have an obsession like me?

Peace ladies!

Falling In Love With Your Hair!

Once I big chopped I loved my hair, but little did I know that my love for my hair could grow deeper, longer, and bigger.  We have been through a lot together.  I cut her, fried and dyed her, but she still came back stronger and longer than ever.  "It's a journey", we say on every natural hair blog or modem of communication, but did you know it is a journey to love your hair just the way she is?  I have made many mistakes and I am sure I will make more (human condition), but those mistakes led me to learn how to take care of my hair, love my hair.

There are many parts to the journey of loving all of your natural hair.  Sometimes it seems it is just enough to stop relaxing and chop the relaxed hair off.  It also seems just enough to create a routine that works and then magically you become a veteran.  However, there are more steps than those.

I had to realize how my inner thought life affects my feelings about my hair.  I also had to discover beliefs I had based upon outside influences.  For example, the first seven years of my returning back to natural I blow-dried my hair every time I washed my hair.  I used oils and things that heat-protected my hair, but I was not mindful of the temperature and how I applied the heat to my hair.  So when I decided to try out color, I found out just what the consistent use of heat did to my hair.  Certainly not every time I applied heat to my hair did I damage it, but I am sure there were times when I did I had damaged it unknowingly.  Then there is the whole scissor happiness I discovered as well.  I single-handedly stunted my own growth with the overcutting.  All of my examples, were commensurate with the relaxer days.  I had chopped off all of the relaxed hair years ago and loved my natural hair, but I had no idea that I still had some of those mindsets left over.

I am sure that I have other strongholds to overcome, but each day I accept my hair for what it is, then I am able to grow and love my hair that much more.  What things are you doing to know thy hair?  Changing my thought life and surrounding myself with a supportive community as well as seeking images of others with curly hair has helped me.  Before I leave I would like my fellow naturals to sing with me a little song, "Falling in love with your hairrrrr, falling in love with hair, Falling in love with your hair, It's the best thing I can do with my hair!"

Shalom ladies (Peace ladies)!

Hello World!

I just want to welcome you to my site: Jabez Hair Chronicles or for those Hebrew scholars Yabets Pera Diḇrê Hayyāmîm.  Today is the first day of the rest of our natural lives!  We will talk about our journey back to natural and seek to find solutions to the bumps along this worthwhile journey in a society where our God given hair threatens society's deemed "normal" standard.  I can't wait to hear all of your stories, so let us begin!

Peace ladies!