Ode to the Awkward
Oh how I love my hair
Oh how I love thee
Oh how I do not know what to do with you
I love you, but I don't love you
I love the curls, the wave, the full pattern,
But I just can't bun it
I can't top knot it
I can't, I can't I can't
Can I chop it?
Here I am again at the Awkward Stage again and this second time around again I am not enjoying it. I had forgotten what it was like, but luckily I have been there and luckily I still have long hair in the back. I believe that this stage requires more self love and patience because it requires more attention then the former and latter stage. This stage in essence is your pre-teen (tween) years.
One, nurture yourself during this stage. In Middle School, I nurtured myself unwittingly and I came out with flying colors in High School. I stayed away from the bad crowd and I focused on my studies, thus ignoring all the family strife at home and just simply read books. By the time, my teenage years rolled around well I was set. I excelled in High School. Treat your mid-length hair the same way.
Two, love thy hair no matter the stage. Like those darn Middle School pictures your mother will love so much and show everyone to your crushing defeat, so too will appear your mid-length hair pics. Love it. It is your hair!
Three, pick up good habits. If you pick up good habits at this stage, then long hair will be a breeze for you and well that awkward stage will not be around so long!
Peace ladies!
Thursday, March 12, 2015
Saturday, February 28, 2015
Awkward Stage
Hello Ladies,
This topic has been on my mind for quite some time... the dreaded "Awkward Stage" aka medium length hair stage. All of you long hair naturals know what I am talking about. Short hair naturals be prepared to embark on this stage. Ladies in this stage, well I feel your pain! You can get through it. Just hold on and you will be out of it in no time! Do not make the awkward stage your make or break stage in your journey to long natural hair!
I believe this stage is when a lot of naturals choose to either remain natural or go back to the perm (yes I said perm and not relaxer). Why? Well change can be hard and you already did the difficult thing of becoming natural and the short hair was a breeze. You also overcame the feelings of not feeling feminine enough with short hair (of course not everyone feels this). You may have also started to feel comfortable with seeing your real hair curl pattern and density. Now this?
Your hair is too short to do the styles you see on blogs, TV, or even YouTube, but it also is too short to just get up and go. So, your mind may wander back to the hair you were accustomed to, relaxed hair. It is not that relaxed hair was any easier, but you were used to it! You may reminisce about the first time your mother let you style your hair all by yourself. It was so easy and liberating. Of course, your mother still took care of the heavy lifting with relaxing your hair herself or you went to the beautician, but after that you were responsible for styling your hair. As for me, the first time I was tasked with relaxing my own hair came when I went to college and I rarely did that.
Rarely perming my hair and not having my mother around just made the decision not to perm ever again so much easier. The mid-length stage in the beginning of your journey, however, brings you back to the throws of your being an eight year old girl tasked with taking care of all of her hair needs, except you had to complete all of it. However, now you don't perm anymore and you don't have your mother or beautician there to help you! Maybe you do have a beautician to help you, but you still have to style your hair yourself. Oh the discomfort, the discomfort.
I am here to tell you that you can make it and be content during this stage. So ladies, here is what I did. I protective styled. I luckily had the natural hair community, which included my close friends to help me. They kept me in check when I wore those protective styles too much or too long. I also had my sibling and guy friends who would compliment me to death and ask to see my hair. They all loved me through it and well it made that awkward stage much easier to fly by. Right now I am back in the awkward stage again. I big chopped my hair again (third time) in December 2013, however I only big chopped the front part of my head. I also had to wean myself from being scissor happy (another discussion for another time), so I am back to the mid-length again. This time it is easier and I know for sure this too shall pass. I want to enjoy this mid-length hair--my naturally God given hair.
This topic has been on my mind for quite some time... the dreaded "Awkward Stage" aka medium length hair stage. All of you long hair naturals know what I am talking about. Short hair naturals be prepared to embark on this stage. Ladies in this stage, well I feel your pain! You can get through it. Just hold on and you will be out of it in no time! Do not make the awkward stage your make or break stage in your journey to long natural hair!
I believe this stage is when a lot of naturals choose to either remain natural or go back to the perm (yes I said perm and not relaxer). Why? Well change can be hard and you already did the difficult thing of becoming natural and the short hair was a breeze. You also overcame the feelings of not feeling feminine enough with short hair (of course not everyone feels this). You may have also started to feel comfortable with seeing your real hair curl pattern and density. Now this?
Your hair is too short to do the styles you see on blogs, TV, or even YouTube, but it also is too short to just get up and go. So, your mind may wander back to the hair you were accustomed to, relaxed hair. It is not that relaxed hair was any easier, but you were used to it! You may reminisce about the first time your mother let you style your hair all by yourself. It was so easy and liberating. Of course, your mother still took care of the heavy lifting with relaxing your hair herself or you went to the beautician, but after that you were responsible for styling your hair. As for me, the first time I was tasked with relaxing my own hair came when I went to college and I rarely did that.
Rarely perming my hair and not having my mother around just made the decision not to perm ever again so much easier. The mid-length stage in the beginning of your journey, however, brings you back to the throws of your being an eight year old girl tasked with taking care of all of her hair needs, except you had to complete all of it. However, now you don't perm anymore and you don't have your mother or beautician there to help you! Maybe you do have a beautician to help you, but you still have to style your hair yourself. Oh the discomfort, the discomfort.
I am here to tell you that you can make it and be content during this stage. So ladies, here is what I did. I protective styled. I luckily had the natural hair community, which included my close friends to help me. They kept me in check when I wore those protective styles too much or too long. I also had my sibling and guy friends who would compliment me to death and ask to see my hair. They all loved me through it and well it made that awkward stage much easier to fly by. Right now I am back in the awkward stage again. I big chopped my hair again (third time) in December 2013, however I only big chopped the front part of my head. I also had to wean myself from being scissor happy (another discussion for another time), so I am back to the mid-length again. This time it is easier and I know for sure this too shall pass. I want to enjoy this mid-length hair--my naturally God given hair.
Friday, January 2, 2015
So You Wanna Go Natural?
I say to the women thinking of going back to natural, "Take a minute to think about what it means to return to natural, then forget about it and just do it!" the more you take the time to think about how to go natural, or how everyone will receive it, then the more you will not take that needed leap. My natural hair story, that I will go into detail later posts, took me three years to realize because I did those exact things. It was not until an unfortunate accident that I got the courage to just chop off all of my permed hair. Once those permed tresses left, I felt liberated. I delved head on into the beginning of my natural hair journey. In my opinion, there are three steps one must take in order to begin the process. Don't get it twisted (yes a pun); however, doing the big chop only begins the journey. Also, I assure you missteps will occur that, but those missteps help you learn and don't worry because a natural hair community exists to guide you in loving the hair God gave you!
Do you remember when your mother first let you style your own hair? Also, do you remember when the responsibility of taking care of your hair became yours? Well, think of going back to natural as the rebirth of those childhood moments. You have to re-learn how to care for your hair. It took time back then, so why not give yourself a break and be patient enough to learn again. Think of going of natural as the beginning of a sweet love affair. It is exciting, a little scary, and a huge deal in the beginning because it is a first time, but in no time you will be a master of your own God given hair.
Certainly, there are questions you have that I wish I pondered when I first went natural because they haunted me later on in my journey (I will surely share more as we progress in our dialogue). There are so many things to ponder like what can I do with my hair since it is not straight anymore, how will my friends and family respond, how will this affect me in the workplace, what is my hair type, texture, and density and more. However, I say to you only concentrate on Identity.
How do you perceive yourself and why? Do you love yourself, I mean really love yourself? Too heavy for you, then let me explain. I went natural in college, but I was still suffering from the I gotta ask my mother for permission syndrome before I go changing my hair. This prevented me from going back to natural earlier. Consider this, I had just left from under my parents wing at 17 years old, so I had barely been independent. I had just began my the formation of my adulthood identity, me. So, consider where you are in your life and give yourself a break in the deeper questions because you will learn the answer in time. Sometimes you have to just go in at once knowing you are well able to handle it (I am picking up inspiration from Caleb from the Bible)!
Peace ladies!
Do you remember when your mother first let you style your own hair? Also, do you remember when the responsibility of taking care of your hair became yours? Well, think of going back to natural as the rebirth of those childhood moments. You have to re-learn how to care for your hair. It took time back then, so why not give yourself a break and be patient enough to learn again. Think of going of natural as the beginning of a sweet love affair. It is exciting, a little scary, and a huge deal in the beginning because it is a first time, but in no time you will be a master of your own God given hair.
Certainly, there are questions you have that I wish I pondered when I first went natural because they haunted me later on in my journey (I will surely share more as we progress in our dialogue). There are so many things to ponder like what can I do with my hair since it is not straight anymore, how will my friends and family respond, how will this affect me in the workplace, what is my hair type, texture, and density and more. However, I say to you only concentrate on Identity.
How do you perceive yourself and why? Do you love yourself, I mean really love yourself? Too heavy for you, then let me explain. I went natural in college, but I was still suffering from the I gotta ask my mother for permission syndrome before I go changing my hair. This prevented me from going back to natural earlier. Consider this, I had just left from under my parents wing at 17 years old, so I had barely been independent. I had just began my the formation of my adulthood identity, me. So, consider where you are in your life and give yourself a break in the deeper questions because you will learn the answer in time. Sometimes you have to just go in at once knowing you are well able to handle it (I am picking up inspiration from Caleb from the Bible)!
Peace ladies!
Friday, December 12, 2014
No More Scalp Burns!: Scratch That Itch
Let me tell ya, I hated getting perms! Yes, I did like my hair after the process and before the rolling, but I never liked the process, especially the endless scalp burns. Getting scalp burns once a month because I could not keep my little hands out of my scalp was one of my primary motivations for going natural. Granted at the time I did not really tap into the already starting second natural hair movement (circa 1994) I longed to stop that horrible process.
I became natural after the alleged .COM bust. That is right, I am a Millennial. Lauryn Hill broke it in something new for us dark skin sistas and Indie Arie was rocking it with Neo-Soul. We were definitely our mother's daughters or grandma's grandbabies (most of us in the latter category). Many of the products and the blogs/chat rooms have grown since then. It was our foundation and I respect it and pay homage to it.
My how we forget the things that led us to "Knowing Thyself". I now don't have to worry about not scratching my head or employing that method my auntie used to do, "smack, smack, smack" her head to get relief from the oh so natural thing of the tickling on the scalp. Yes it is a movement and now a lifestyle--Natural Life.
Peace ladies!
I became natural after the alleged .COM bust. That is right, I am a Millennial. Lauryn Hill broke it in something new for us dark skin sistas and Indie Arie was rocking it with Neo-Soul. We were definitely our mother's daughters or grandma's grandbabies (most of us in the latter category). Many of the products and the blogs/chat rooms have grown since then. It was our foundation and I respect it and pay homage to it.
My how we forget the things that led us to "Knowing Thyself". I now don't have to worry about not scratching my head or employing that method my auntie used to do, "smack, smack, smack" her head to get relief from the oh so natural thing of the tickling on the scalp. Yes it is a movement and now a lifestyle--Natural Life.
Peace ladies!
Wednesday, November 12, 2014
I Have an Obsession with Straight Lines
I have an obsession with straight lines. This obsession made it hard for me to commit to the challenge of finger detangling only for 2 years to obtain my hair length goals. I don't know if it has to do with the African woman in me that wants the lines for my braids, twists, cornrows, or whatever requires a part to be straight, but I don't like seeing those stray hairs. So I occasionally give in to my obsession and just part my hair with a comb.
The benefits of finger detangling are numerous, but it takes a while to get the technique down pat for your hair. The curl patterns on my head are numerous. I had to strategize on how to make each pattern work for my fingers. My coily hair works with the rake. My wavy curly hair has to do a mix and requires a lot of patients. My straight-ish hair requires me to begin at the ends and NO short cuts.
Have you been finger detangling? If so, what technique do you use? If not, then do you have an obsession like me?
Peace ladies!
The benefits of finger detangling are numerous, but it takes a while to get the technique down pat for your hair. The curl patterns on my head are numerous. I had to strategize on how to make each pattern work for my fingers. My coily hair works with the rake. My wavy curly hair has to do a mix and requires a lot of patients. My straight-ish hair requires me to begin at the ends and NO short cuts.
Have you been finger detangling? If so, what technique do you use? If not, then do you have an obsession like me?
Peace ladies!
Thursday, October 23, 2014
Falling In Love With Your Hair!
Once I big chopped I loved my hair, but little did I know that my love for my hair could grow deeper, longer, and bigger. We have been through a lot together. I cut her, fried and dyed her, but she still came back stronger and longer than ever. "It's a journey", we say on every natural hair blog or modem of communication, but did you know it is a journey to love your hair just the way she is? I have made many mistakes and I am sure I will make more (human condition), but those mistakes led me to learn how to take care of my hair, love my hair.
There are many parts to the journey of loving all of your natural hair. Sometimes it seems it is just enough to stop relaxing and chop the relaxed hair off. It also seems just enough to create a routine that works and then magically you become a veteran. However, there are more steps than those.
I had to realize how my inner thought life affects my feelings about my hair. I also had to discover beliefs I had based upon outside influences. For example, the first seven years of my returning back to natural I blow-dried my hair every time I washed my hair. I used oils and things that heat-protected my hair, but I was not mindful of the temperature and how I applied the heat to my hair. So when I decided to try out color, I found out just what the consistent use of heat did to my hair. Certainly not every time I applied heat to my hair did I damage it, but I am sure there were times when I did I had damaged it unknowingly. Then there is the whole scissor happiness I discovered as well. I single-handedly stunted my own growth with the overcutting. All of my examples, were commensurate with the relaxer days. I had chopped off all of the relaxed hair years ago and loved my natural hair, but I had no idea that I still had some of those mindsets left over.
I am sure that I have other strongholds to overcome, but each day I accept my hair for what it is, then I am able to grow and love my hair that much more. What things are you doing to know thy hair? Changing my thought life and surrounding myself with a supportive community as well as seeking images of others with curly hair has helped me. Before I leave I would like my fellow naturals to sing with me a little song, "Falling in love with your hairrrrr, falling in love with hair, Falling in love with your hair, It's the best thing I can do with my hair!"
Shalom ladies (Peace ladies)!
There are many parts to the journey of loving all of your natural hair. Sometimes it seems it is just enough to stop relaxing and chop the relaxed hair off. It also seems just enough to create a routine that works and then magically you become a veteran. However, there are more steps than those.
I had to realize how my inner thought life affects my feelings about my hair. I also had to discover beliefs I had based upon outside influences. For example, the first seven years of my returning back to natural I blow-dried my hair every time I washed my hair. I used oils and things that heat-protected my hair, but I was not mindful of the temperature and how I applied the heat to my hair. So when I decided to try out color, I found out just what the consistent use of heat did to my hair. Certainly not every time I applied heat to my hair did I damage it, but I am sure there were times when I did I had damaged it unknowingly. Then there is the whole scissor happiness I discovered as well. I single-handedly stunted my own growth with the overcutting. All of my examples, were commensurate with the relaxer days. I had chopped off all of the relaxed hair years ago and loved my natural hair, but I had no idea that I still had some of those mindsets left over.
I am sure that I have other strongholds to overcome, but each day I accept my hair for what it is, then I am able to grow and love my hair that much more. What things are you doing to know thy hair? Changing my thought life and surrounding myself with a supportive community as well as seeking images of others with curly hair has helped me. Before I leave I would like my fellow naturals to sing with me a little song, "Falling in love with your hairrrrr, falling in love with hair, Falling in love with your hair, It's the best thing I can do with my hair!"
Shalom ladies (Peace ladies)!
Saturday, September 27, 2014
Hello World!
I just want to welcome you to my site: Jabez Hair Chronicles or for those Hebrew scholars Yabets Pera Diḇrê Hayyāmîm. Today is the first day of the rest of our natural lives! We will talk about our journey back to natural and seek to find solutions to the bumps along this worthwhile journey in a society where our God given hair threatens society's deemed "normal" standard. I can't wait to hear all of your stories, so let us begin!
Peace ladies!
Peace ladies!
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